To Understand the God of Death
by Literary Eagle
Summary: The war is over, but one of Duo's closest friends has a new mission.


This is my first completed Gundam Wing fic, so any helpful comments or criticism would be very much appreciated.

Important notes: This is a friendship fic, but there's some stuff that you can interpret as hints of romance if you want... 2+H or 1+2 or 2+4 or 1+R... Whatever, it's all good! ^_^ Also, the story takes place shortly after Heero stops the section of Libra from falling onto the Earth in Episode 49. In other words, Endless Waltz has not happened yet.

Legal disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are property of Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, TV Asahi, Bandai, and anyone I may have forgotten. This story, however, is mine. Please don't sue me, because I'm just writing this for fun. Nothing wrong with fun, right? Right? *sweatdrop*

Oh, and if you want to post this story on your site, please ask me first.

To Understand the God of Death  
By Literary Eagle

For a long time, there was nothing. Neither ominous gunfire nor the welcoming fireplace of home, neither powerful mobile dolls nor the fragile keepsake doll inherited from a long-forgotten relative... just nothing. There was no fighting for peace, but only because existence was somehow missing all its pieces.

This was all there was for Hilde Schbeiker.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Eventually, it seemed that some force had decided that the time for nothingness was over, as thin threads of sensation came together to slowly pull Hilde's awareness towards its next destination.

First came an impression of floating, as if she were a raft being carried away by water. As Hilde felt herself drift along the unseen current, memories began to make their way through her thoughts, as if trying to bring her mind back up to speed. She finally recalled sneaking onto the Libra to obtain data for the Gundam pilots... then her near-disastrous escape... then being rescued by Duo... and finally passing out on the Peacemillion when her badly injured body could not cling to consciousness any longer.

"So what now?" Hilde asked the murkiness in which she floated. When no answer came, she added, "Is this it, then? Am I dead?" The additional questions failed to coax a response from the darkness, and Hilde was left to drift alone with her thoughts for a while longer.

It wasn't that the concept of being dead bothered her... As she had told Duo several times, she was willing to die for the colonies. Still, it would be nice if she had a way to find out how the war was progressing. What was happening to the Gundam pilots right now? Could they succeed?

Hilde immediately scolded herself for coming up with that last question. Of course the Gundam pilots could succeed. Perhaps they already had, and the war was over. They were strong, much stronger than she was. She could rest in peace knowing that she had done her best to help them, even if her contribution had been very small compared to what others had done. Yes, she could rest in peace now.

Right?

Right.

...

...

...

Okay, wrong.

There was no point in denying it. Gundam pilots were still human beings, and all human beings were fallible. Hilde couldn't help but worry. More than that, the former OZ soldier ached with a sudden desperate need to see Duo again. She needed to see her friend's merry violet eyes and winsome smile, to hear his self-assured voice and boisterous laugh. Truly, the heart of the matter was that she wanted to be inspired by his incredible strength and confidence again, one last time. To once more set eyes upon the self-proclaimed "God of Death" who feared little and accomplished much. Yes, that was it. It would be all the assurance she'd need. Just one last time, and then she could rest in peace. The rational part of her mind could go on about the fallibility of the pilots all it wanted, but to see Duo again was all her soul needed to rest.

As if in answer to her wish, a round speck of light appeared in the gloom, and the German girl turned towards this glowing circle as it widened into a spotlight. She gasped, for Duo was sitting in a chair in the center of this spotlight, and his usually cheerful face was taut with worry and fear. Judging from the circles under his eyes, he hadn't been sleeping well, if at all.

Hilde felt panic rise within her. She had never seen Duo looking so frightened, not even when he had described the Zero system to her. What could scare the confident Deathscythe pilot so much? Was the war going that badly?

The spotlight widened further just then, revealing what Duo was doing. He was seated at someone's bedside. More specifically, it was Hilde's bedside.

Hilde gulped as she realized that she was looking down at her own motionless body. Numerous injuries were wrapped in bandages and the uncovered areas did not seem much better, for her skin appeared to be pale as death itself. However, after a few minutes of staring in horrified fascination, she noticed that her body's chest was still rising and falling. She wasn't dead after all. Not yet, anyway.

"My friend Quatre is in pretty bad shape too," she heard Duo suddenly say in a choked whisper, as he snatched up her body's colorless hand and wrung it desperately, "Please don't die, Hilde. I don't want to lose any more friends! The war is over... they told me it's over... I don't want to be the God of Death anymore! Hilde, please..." He broke off and let go of her hand, as if realizing that he risked injuring her further if he squeezed too hard. Instead, he wrapped his arms around himself and bowed his head, beginning to tremble slightly. Soon the barely perceptible trembling turned into a more obvious shaking, and tears began to drop into his lap. "Hilde... Quatre... damn it!"

Reaching under his priest's collar, Duo pulled out a gold chain from which a small cross dangled. "If only just once God would listen to my prayers! But you're not there, are you, God? I knew it! There's just me... just the God of Death, putting an end to the life of anyone who comes near, especially those he dares to... to... care for!" This last part was emphasized by Duo throwing his cross to the floor. He froze for a moment as if regretting the action, then angrily kicked the crucifix under the bed and wept bitterly.

"Duo! Duo, I'm right here!" Hilde cried, cursing when it became clear that Duo could not hear her. She dove down towards her body, intending to return to the world of the living and to her friend, but ended up slamming rather painfully into an invisible wall. She froze, half surprised at this unexpected obstacle, half shocked that she could feel pain when she wasn't even in her body right now. She made another move towards her body, only to hit the unseen barrier a second time.

[Not yet, Hilde Schbeiker.]

"Who said that?" Hilde shouted, trying to push through the obstruction.

[That isn't important right now.]

"I don't have time for this! Let me through! I have to help Duo!"

[No.]

"Let me through!" Hilde demanded, furious that this unseen speaker was willing to prolong Duo's torment, "Damn it, let me through!"

[Here you are, ready to throw yourself into something again. Your enthusiasm is impressive, but I can't help but wonder at the true extent of your devotion. You want to help Duo, but where's the guarantee that you won't give up on him if something better comes along, just like when you abandoned your position at OZ? Come to think of it, how can your word be trusted when you claimed to be oh-so-ready to give your life for the colonies, and now suddenly you seem to have changed your mind about dying?]

Hilde's mind reeled at the unexpected accusations, but the sight of Duo still crying soon caused her shock to be replaced by anger. "I don't have time for games! It's my fault that Duo's suffering! I have to go to him! If I'm not dead yet, then there's no reason good enough to keep me away from him!" She made several more attempts at returning to her body, pounding viciously at the invisible barrier, but finally sobbed in exasperation when it become evident that her efforts were futile. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?" she asked desperately.

[The war is over, Hilde Schbeiker. It's a whole new game now. You're a brave and strong girl, stronger than you give yourself credit for, but I'm still uncertain that you can handle this... new mission.]

"Try me."

[Are you sure?]

"Yes! Damn it, yes!"

Without warning, an overpowering wave of pain and grief hit her. It was agony so consuming that it could only be described as flesh-searingly hot and soul-chillingly cold at the same time, as if it did not want to leave a single bit of her untouched... regardless of whether or not she had an actual physical body at the moment. It was terrible loneliness, it was insuppressible guilt, it was a relentless anguish like she had never experienced before. She wanted to scream and cry, but nothing came out, as if some controlling force was refusing her desire to give voice to her suffering. Just when she thought she was going to go insane from this existence as a tortured mute, the ordeal was over and she was drifting numbly in the dark void again. She could no longer see Duo or her bedridden body.

"What... what just happened?" Hilde gasped.

[That is what Duo Maxwell has been carrying inside him for most of his life.]

"What? No, it can't be! Not Duo!" Hilde's voice sounded almost hysterical with disbelief, even though she knew that it had to be true. Certainly it would explain his words and actions at her bedside. "Oh, Duo... I didn't know..."

[That's right, you didn't! You were raised in a very large and loving family, and you were the most popular girl in school! How could you understand what Duo's life was like, what he's been through? Do you know what it's like to have no home when the streets are in the grip of a viral epidemic? To see children die right beside you? To be the sole survivor of the Maxwell Church Tragedy?]

"The Maxwell Church Tragedy?" Hilde went cold all over as she recalled hearing about the brutal massacre that had left 245 people dead, "I didn't know Duo had any connection to THAT Maxwell! Duo... Oh Duo, why didn't you tell me?"

[As I said, the war is over. Duo's enemy now is the inner demons that he has been trying to suppress for so long behind a smile. That smile is beginning to break. Will you be there for him when the smile loses its hold completely? What makes you think that you have any chance at helping to heal all that pain? The anguish you felt only lasted a few minutes. If you stay by Duo's side you will have to deal with the fact that Duo has been keeping this within him for years. What proof do I have that you can handle it? What proof do I have that you won't desert him for something more appealing somewhere down the line?]

Hilde's thoughts whirled with confusion. She had found the mysterious voice to be cold at first, but these last words were spoken with such anxiety that she received the impression of someone who desperately cared about Duo's well-being. Steeling herself, she pushed the confusion out of her mind, her own worry for Duo becoming her primary concern once more. "Do it again," she said quietly.

[Do what again?]

"When you made me feel Duo's pain. Do it again. You're right, I've been sheltered and happy most of my life. If you think that it would help me to understand Duo and help him heal, then let me feel his pain again. Test me, let me prove to you that I am willing to deal with it."

[First, tell me why. Why do you want to help Duo? How do I know that you'll stay loyal to him?]

"How can I not?" Hilde had to resist from shouting, "He's done so much for the colonies, and for peace... And all the while he was carrying this inside him and no one knew! It's the least I can do to repay him for everything he's done. More than that, he's my... friend... I... I..." Hilde had run out of words, wringing her spectral hands helplessly. She let out a small whimper, a hint of frustration with her inability to express what was burning inside her.

[I see.] The voice was very gentle this time.

For several minutes nothing happened, and then Hilde heard a soft sobbing sound. Turning around, she saw that farther away from her a child was sitting alone in the darkness, weeping. The ragged clothes clinging to the youth's thin frame seemed to offer little protection from the elements, and as if to make up for this deficiency his hair was a long and thick mop of chestnut brown that wrapped around him. Hilde let out a small gasp of recognition. "Is... is that?"

[Yes. That's Duo as a young boy.]

An ominous gray cloud suddenly rose up in a ring around the child, forming a wall that completely surrounded him. As Hilde watched fearfully, another smoky ring formed up around the first, and then yet another ring formed around this one. She tentatively touched the outermost ring, and flinched at the pain and sorrow that coursed through her at the contact.

[See if you can get through those three rings to reach young Duo's side. If you want to give up at any time, just tell me.]

Nodding, she stepped into the first cloudy barrier...

**********

Pain squeezed her lungs, as Hilde suddenly found herself running and gasping on the streets of a colony, clutching an armful of apples as an angry street vendor chased after her. Caught off guard by this sudden change in setting, she tripped and the apples rolled away. She received a hard slap on the back of her head as the vendor caught up with her, and she let out a startled yell and tore away, abandoning the (presumably) stolen fruit.

Ducking into an alley to try to regain her breath, it took a few minutes before she noticed several painfully gaunt children searching a garbage can for scraps. "War orphans," Hilde whispered to herself, "Oh Duo... is this how you had to live?"

"You okay, kid?" the oldest of the children asked, looking in Hilde's direction. He walked over to her and handed her some of the rotten food that he had fished out of the trash. "Don't cry. Here, eat something."

Hilde tried not to retch at the smell of the decaying food. At the same time, she realized with a start that her stomach suddenly felt horribly empty. As if she was on autopilot, she accepted the food and began to eat. "Thank you," she said solemnly.

"No prob. We gotta look out for each other here, since no one else will," he said with a kind smile. He then turned around and began to walk away, the other orphans following him. "Come see me anytime ya need help. My name's Solo."

Next came a series of events that were probably supposed to be taking place over several days or weeks, but seemed as if they were being compressed into much less. Mostly, it consisted of Hilde stealing food or looking through garbage again and again, as if she had no choice but to follow some sort of script. She often ran into other orphans and shared with them, and sometimes ran into the boy called Solo, who appeared to be their leader. A youngster forced to be an adult much too soon, Solo took starving children under his wing with such fierce protectiveness that Hilde was both awed and heartbroken by it. This was no life for a child...

Hilde was certain that these events were connected to Duo's past somehow, and wondered if she might actually see him. At the same time, she had the sinking feeling that this experience was building up to something very bad. However, she did not let such worrying stop her from dutifully etching every detail into her mind, vowing for Duo's sake to remember all the pain she felt here, all the horrors she beheld. When she became adept at stealing larger amounts of food, she gave most of her haul to the orphans, letting the rumblings of her deprived stomach chant a strange litany with the thudding of her anxiety-ridden heart. She still had not seen Duo.

One day she inexplicably found herself running out of a hospital with a bottle of stolen medicine in her hand. She ran until she reached a familiar alley, where a gathering of the orphans waved at her frantically. They parted before her to reveal someone lying on the ground, his emaciated frame shaking uncontrollably and coughing up blood.

"Solo!" she screamed, running to the convulsing boy's side.

The orphan leader turned his head towards her voice, revealing horribly bloodshot eyes. "Medicine?" he croaked, "Shouldn't have... Too late to stop the virus now..."

"D-don't say that, Solo!" Hilde cried, dropping to her knees in front of the child.

"Don't be stupid, kid," Solo wheezed, turning away as flecks of blood flew from his mouth, "Hey come on, didn't I tell ya not to cry when we first met? You be strong now. I've got a feeling about you... You're gonna help stop this war, this stupid war that has been making so many kids into orphans. And I'll be watching. You remember that, okay? You'll do fine, cuz Solo's gonna be watching you..."

Hilde choked back a sob as Solo turned around to look at her again. Blood was now trickling out of his nose and ears as well.

"I'll be watching," Solo repeated, looking carefully into Hilde's eyes as if to make sure she understood, "Solo's always gonna be with you... guess that makes you a duo, eh? Take care, Duo."

Hilde dropped the medicine bottle in shock, causing the glass to break and letting the precious medicine leak out to mix with Solo's blood on the ground. It made no difference anyway, which Hilde realized as her mind finally registered the fact that Solo had stopped breathing.

She turned to look at the others, and although some were crying, they mostly just seemed tired, resigned. Her heart sank as she reminded herself that it must be a common occurrence for these orphans to see other children die, and it took all her self-control not to scream out loud at the injustice of it all.

"What are we gonna do now, Duo?" one of the younger ones asked, tugging on Hilde's sleeve. All of the children turned towards her expectantly, and with a rapidly growing feeling of helplessness it dawned on her that the orphans were expecting her... or rather, Duo... to lead them now that Solo was gone. The haunted eyes of the orphans looked pleadingly at her, causing Hilde to bury her face in her hands as her tenuous hold on composure shattered and a loud wail escaped her lips.

**********

Hilde wasn't sure how long it took before she had regained enough self-restraint to stop crying, but when she finally looked up, the orphans and the alley were gone. She was back in the dark void, having made it through the first barrier. "Oh, Duo..." she said quietly, looking at the second ring which waited patiently for her.

[You can quit if you want.]

Hilde shook her head. "There's no way I'm stopping now," she said with quiet determination, "If that was just a fraction of what Duo's been through, then I know now more than ever that he needs someone to help him."

With that, she stood up and ran into the next dark cloud before the voice could say anything in reply.

**********

This time, Hilde found herself carrying books instead of stolen apples. She was standing in front of a school, and several children carrying similar books were entering the building.

"Duo!"

Turning around, Hilde saw a priest and a nun waving at her.

"Go on, Duo," the nun called, "It'll be alright."

"Enjoy your first day of school," the priest added.

"Um... Okay, I will!" Hilde said, smiling at them before she turned and walked into the building. She saw the other children staring at her and whispering amongst themselves, and that was when she noticed that instead of wearing a school uniform like the others, she was clad in a priest's outfit that did not fit very well. She was so preoccupied with this discovery that she did not see one boy's outstretched foot until she tripped over it and fell down hard.

"Watch where you're going, sewer rat!" the boy laughed.

"What?" Hilde sat up and tried to recover the books she had dropped, but one of the other children kicked them away.

"Phew, sure smells like a sewer rat," said another student, shoving her back down, "Get lost! Don't stink up our school!"

Other children in the hall began to laugh and point, but the clamor of vicious laughter was not enough to prevent Hilde from overhearing bits of what the students were saying:

"I heard this kid sleeps in garbage..."

"What's with those funny clothes?"

"Hope this dirty kid's not in MY class."

"Yeah, too bad the virus didn't get this one!"

"Aw, you shouldn't say that..."

"Fine, let the dirty kid be in YOUR class, then!"

"Yuck, no way!"

Hilde bit her lip and said nothing. She wasn't used to such treatment... When she had been a schoolgirl, nearly everyone had wanted to be her friend. She was enraged that these students would say such hurtful things about Duo, but at least it was a step up from eating out of trashcans and seeing children dying in the streets. Rather than voice the anger she felt, she simply sat there in silence and diligently took in every cruel word the bullies said, trying to imagine the pain Duo must have felt on this day.

Suddenly, one of the children reached out and grabbed her bangs, yanking with enough force to make Hilde hit the floor again. Wincing in pain, she heard someone shout, "Wow, I can't believe you touched that dirty hair!"

Then it was as if Hilde was forced to obey some kind of script again, because she rose to her feet and ran up to the hair-puller, who was laughing and congratulating himself on his boldness. She tackled him with all her strength and managed to punch him in the face before another boy, the one who had tripped her before, tried to intervene. She knocked the other boy down and managed to kick him in the ribs a few times before a teacher grabbed her from behind and dragged her towards the principal's office. Another teacher began to administer first aid to the two injured bullies, and the rest of the students glared at Hilde with pure hatred.

"Solo..." Hilde was dimly aware of herself saying, "I won't cry..."

Once again time accelerated and Hilde seemed to live several weeks in a much shorter period of time. School was absolute hell... not the hell of living on the streets, but still a hell in its own right. However, when she was at home - home being a peaceful church with Father Maxwell and Sister Helen - life was tranquil and happy. Sister Helen always gave her a comforting hug after a long day at school, and Father Maxwell would read to her from the Bible in his soothing voice, a ritual that put her at peace even when she didn't focus on every word. One day he gave her the Bible as a gift, along with a gold cross on a necklace, but she asked if he would keep reading it to her anyway. And so, Father Maxwell would read to her as she helped Sister Helen to clean the church's stained glass windows, and Hilde felt boundless gratitude that this priest and nun had taken such good care of Duo. Perhaps Duo did not have much faith in God, but at that moment Hilde whispered a silent prayer of thanks that there had been these days of joy and love in Duo's life.

Time sped up yet again, and with a sense of dread Hilde knew that once more things were probably building up to something very bad. One day she found herself listening to Father Maxwell reading as usual, when suddenly a band of rebels poured through the doors of the church, seeking refuge. This made Hilde wary but she respectfully helped Sister Helen tend to the wounded. However, before long she became agitated at how some of these people were very angry and kept going on about wanting a mobile suit to fight back against the Alliance.

When the situation got out of hand and one of the rebels struck down Father Maxwell, Hilde instantly felt ill as it occurred to her what was going to happen next. "No," she whispered to herself, "The Maxwell Church Tragedy!"

**********

Gasping, Hilde saw that she had passed through the second barrier, and now the third and final one loomed in front of her. Her stomach knotted at the knowledge of what was waiting for her inside.

[It's not too late to quit.]

Without even bothering to answer, Hilde strode forward.

*********

She found herself behind the wheel of a truck this time, with a stolen mobile suit in tow. She felt a lump grow in her throat as she saw smoke rising into the air from the street where the church was located. By the time she arrived at the charred and crumbling remains of the Maxwell Church, she nearly drove right over several of the corpses because her vision was so blurred with her tears.

"Father Maxwell! Sister Helen! Where are you?" she shouted as she dashed out of the truck. She knew that it was probably useless, but she still tried to call out, tried to search for them.

Most of the furniture was broken and blistered almost beyond recognition, and the few tatters that remained of the painting of Mary were shriveling in the intense heat, breaking up into ashes that clung to Hilde's clothes or flew into her eyes. Worse, the smell of burnt flesh was inescapable, assaulting Hilde's olfactory perception to the point that she was sure she would vomit. Several minutes later, she did.

Spitting in an attempt to get the foul taste out of her mouth, Hilde continued to stumble through the wreckage. She found several corpses huddled together behind a broken pew, and dropped to her knees in an attempt to identify them. Pain blossomed along her legs, and she leapt up to see what she had landed on. It was shattered glass, from the stained glass windows that she had so lovingly cleaned with Sister Helen. "Father Maxwell! Sister Helen!" she cried, feeling the hopelessness of the situation bear down on her more than ever. Her legs gave out and she landed on the glass again, but she barely even noticed.

Her heart jumped into her throat when her cries received an unexpected reply.

"D-Duo..."

Scrambling towards the faint voice, Hilde crested a pile of blackened rubble to spy Sister Helen lying in a relatively clear area several feet away. As she ran to the woman's side, fresh tears spilled from her eyes as she could already tell that the kind nun did not have much time left.

Sister Helen's dying words barely registered, as Hilde's mind repeated a single question over and over: "Duo, you hid this so well... How could anyone keep this inside for so long?"

The gentle hand of Sister Helen came up to caress Hilde's tearstained cheek for the briefest of moments, then fell back to the ground, lifeless...

**********

Sister Helen and the wreckage vanished, and Hilde found herself in the dark nothingness again. She also saw the small, thin form of a young Duo Maxwell sitting alone, crying his heart out.

"Solo... so sorry... I know I'm not supposed to cry..." he whimpered.

Half laughing and half sobbing in triumph, Hilde ran towards the child and put her arms around him. "No Duo, don't be ashamed to let it out! I'm here for you Duo, I'm here..." But the boy was not, for as soon as she had said those words, he disappeared without a trace.

[Well done.]

"..."

[I thank you, Hilde Schbeiker. You willingly tasted life as the God of Death, and I now believe that you will be there for Duo as he sheds that sad title and starts down the path of a new life. I wish I could be there with him for the entire journey, but I know that I can rely on you...]

That was when it all clicked together.

"You're Solo, aren't you?" Hilde asked quietly. Deep in her heart she just knew it was the orphan boy, even though his voice and way of speaking had aged somehow.

Something like white smoke shimmered into existence in front of Hilde, smelling faintly of roses. [When I told Duo not to cry, I never knew that he would take it to heart, that he would try to keep the hurt inside for so long,] said the wispy entity that was Solo, [I wanted to always be with him... but then I realized that I was waiting to find someone who could really help him. Duo needs someone in the world of the living... he's kept the past bottled up inside for too long, and I have stayed here too long. My soul must move on to the next part of its journey, but I know that somehow, some way, I will still watch over you both. You are a true friend, Hilde. I understand if you are angry with me. As long as you are there for Duo, I will be happy.]

Smiling, Hilde shook her head. "I'm not angry... You've given me a wonderful gift. It was painful, but this is what I needed to understand Duo. You're right, the war is over, and it is a whole new game now. You've helped me to prepare for this 'new mission', and I'll always be thankful for that."

The luminescent smoke wrapped itself around Hilde, as if embracing her. [Now is the time for moving on to the next part of our respective journeys. Farewell, Hilde Schbeiker...]

**********

Struggling through several layers of pain and fatigue, Hilde opened her eyes to find herself lying on a bed, dressed in a hospital gown and bandages. Moving her eyes slowly so as not to make her head hurt even more, she saw that Duo was still seated at her bedside. There was also someone with him: A boy with unruly brown hair was standing next to Duo's chair, his face expressionless except for a faint hint of concern in his Prussian blue eyes as he watched over the weary Deathscythe pilot. Duo was obviously fighting a losing battle with the urge to sleep, because his head had slumped to the side and was now propped against this other boy. Hilde recognized the boy as another one of the Gundam pilots, although she did not know his name.

This other pilot's piercing blue eyes glanced in her direction, finally noticing that she was awake. "Duo," this pilot said quietly, shaking the braided pilot's shoulder a little.

"Heero, what..." Duo's half-closed eyes looked questioningly at the other pilot for a moment, before following the boy's gaze to... "Hilde!" he exclaimed, nearly falling out of his chair.

"Hey, Duo," she replied, giving a weak smile.

"Hilde!" Duo said again, his voice trembling as he grasped her hand. His eyes, now wide open and bright with new tears, gazed unblinkingly into hers as if he wasn't quite ready to believe that she was finally able to gaze back again. A strange look crossed his face just then, like a child realizing that he was doing something wrong, and suddenly Duo's expression shifted into his usual smile as he said in his typical jovial manner, "Hey Hilde, welcome aboard the resource satellite MO II! Its hospital isn't the most state-of-the-art, but it has the prerequisite lousy food! Crappy vacation spot, huh? Next time, maybe we'll pick Hawaii or..."

Hilde shook her head. "You don't have to hide it, Duo," she whispered. She freed her hand from his grasp and gently touched the shining path a tear's descent had left on Duo's face. "Duo, I know that I scared you, and I'm sorry."

Duo seemed to freeze with uncertainty for a moment, and then the smile fell away. "No, Hilde," Duo said gravely, "I'm the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have yelled at you before. That data you got for us really helped out. The war is over, and we couldn't have done it without you! The war's over, Hilde..."

"I know," said Hilde, her voice strengthening, "The war is over, and I won't have to do something like that again. I have a new mission now, Duo. As long as you need me, I will stay by your side. I want to be there to help with whatever you need... That is, if you want me to."

"Hilde?"

"I'm not just talking about frying up steaks for you," Hilde said, as if warning Duo not to make jokes, "I want to help you with your pains... your fears... your losses... anything. I want you to know that you don't have to hide those things from me." Her voice grew even stronger as she spoke, and Hilde began to push herself up onto her elbows.

"You shouldn't try to get up yet!" Duo protested, trying to push her back onto the bed. It only seemed to make her stronger, though, and despite Duo's efforts Hilde managed to sit up.

"You don't have to hide those things from me," Hilde said again, "Please, don't try to protect me from that. I want to help you. You're my friend... Please let me help you..."

"No!" said Duo, not trying to hide his fear this time, "Hilde, you don't know..."

"Duo," Hilde said, her voice returning to a gentle whisper, "Let me help you." She squeezed his hand, and it was as if a current passed through them. She could feel Duo's blood pulsing under her fingers, keeping rhythm with her own pulse. Beating... faster...

Pounding faster, from running... running from a furious street vendor on an L2 colony...

Breath coming in sharp gasps... not from running, but from crying...

Crying for Solo, for a lost friend...

The first day of school. No friends there.

Hilde's bright eyes locked with Duo's violet ones, both sets of eyes sparkling with tears...

Sparkling stained glass windows, at the Maxwell church...

Shattering, a piercing rain of broken glass and spilt blood everywhere...

Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, gone...

So much pain...

So much loss.

In those few minutes Hilde and Duo relived it all together, their hearts pounding in rhythm as if the barrier of skin was no longer there. For those several breaths, those several heartbeats, they were one entity in two bodies, they were a true duo... they were Duo.

The moment passed, and as Hilde felt the flood of memories slow to a trickle, she found herself back in her bed with a strange warm wetness soaking her front. Looking down, she found Duo clinging to her, sobbing quietly. They held each other tightly, Hilde whispering soft assurances but no explanations yet. Duo had let her in, had understood on some level, and that was good enough for now.

Heero stood there awkwardly for several minutes, no one noticing the brief flicker of... something... that crossed his face. Finally murmuring some good wishes, the Wing pilot turned to walk away.

However, on some unspoken agreement, Duo and Hilde suddenly both grinned mischievously and shouted "Group hug!" as they pulled Heero into an embrace. Heero let out a small grunt but didn't pull away, and the three of them stayed like that until Hilde finally felt the unnatural strength that had been coursing through her become replaced with a warm drowsiness. She fell back onto the pillows, and Heero stepped away from the bed as Duo pulled the covers over Hilde's petite form.

"I'll let you get some rest, Hilde. Come on, Heero, we'd better go-oooooooo!!!" Duo yelped in surprise as the other Gundam pilot lifted him up in his strong arms. "Heero, what are you..."

"You haven't been getting any sleep," Heero said gruffly, although his eyes betrayed how worried he was about the braided boy, "You need to rest. Now." He set Duo down upon Hilde's bed, and the dark-haired girl giggled and moved aside to give Duo more room. Heero then sat down in the chair that had previously been occupied by Duo, protectively eyeing the two on the bed.

Duo took Hilde's hand, and as one they turned to smile affectionately at Heero in silent thanks. So comfortably positioned in between his dearest friends, it wasn't long before Duo was snoring softly.

"Thank you, Heero... Thank you, Solo..." Hilde whispered, feeling the peace radiating from her sleeping companion. She fell asleep soon after.

**********

"Your Highness! Just a few more questions!"

During the first round of questions, Relena Peacecraft had politely asked the reporters not to call her by any royal title, but had finally stopped asking when it became apparent that her request was being repeatedly disregarded. They didn't seem to really care that she was no longer Queen of the World. Deciding to just take it in stride for now, the young pacifist patiently answered their queries while she walked down the halls of MO II, pushing a cart laden with medicines. With so many people injured from the recent fighting, MO II's hospital was busier than it had ever been in its entire existence, so Relena had volunteered to help with transporting medication to the areas that needed them. It wasn't much, but it would leave at least one hospital worker free to deal with more important tasks.

A flock of reporters had somehow found out about Relena's delivery route and were now following her the entire way, taking pictures and asking question after question after question...

"Yes, I believe that we are on the path to true peace now... No, I do not know if my brother Milliardo survived... Yes, Quatre Winner came out of surgery a few hours ago, and the doctors say he's going to be alright..." Relena said as she stopped to hand some bottles of medicine to one of the harried nurses.

"Speaking of Quatre Winner, Your Highness, what do you think will happen to the Gundam pilots now that the war is over?" one of the reporters asked, shoving a microphone into Relena's face.

After turning her head to avoid getting bopped on the nose by the pushy reporter's microphone, Relena's gaze fell upon an open doorway that gave a clear view of a bed with two people on it. She recognized them as Duo Maxwell and the girl she had met on Libra, both sleeping soundly with their fingers entwined. And that wasn't all... Heero Yuy was there, sitting in a chair by Duo's side of the bed. In a rare display of just how young he really was, Heero seemed to be idly playing with the end of his friend's braid.

"I think the Gundam pilots are going to be fine," Relena finally replied, smiling. She began to walk down the hallway to lead the reporters away from the private scene. "I think they're going to be just fine."

**********

"You're going to be fine," Heero whispered, echoing Relena's words almost exactly as he watched the tranquil forms of Hilde and Duo, "You're going to be just fine."

Ah, but what about himself? Closing his eyes, Heero finally gave himself the luxury of looking back in wonderment on what had happened during the war, including his own internal conflicts. From a very young age, he had believed in the importance of following his emotions, despite having been conditioned to not have emotions... Suffice it to say that this had left him in turmoil quite a few times, although his training hadn't allowed him to show it. But ever since he had met Relena, Duo, and the others, he sometimes found that the feelings within him were slipping out, revealing themselves to the world despite his best efforts to hold back. Maybe... just maybe, it would be acceptable not to hold back so much anymore, seeing as the war was over. It would take time to break that aspect of his training, but it was a worthy mission for this time of newfound peace.

Heero suddenly thought about a past mission where he had unintentionally caused the deaths of a little girl and her puppy... and how he had turned to his training, tried to bury all emotion after his initial shock and depression. Opening his eyes again to look at Duo, he briefly contemplated the braided boy's obvious grief before Hilde had regained consciousness. If Hilde had died, what would Duo have done to himself? And how would Heero have reacted? Would he have tried to bury his humanity again, even deeper this time? Would Relena have been able to bring it back once more, or would it have been lost forever?

Shaking his head, Heero decided against worrying about possibilities that were no longer there. Duo was going to be fine, and it was because of Hilde. She was here for Duo now, and she had said that she was going to help him... she had made it her new mission.

Yes, Duo was going to be alright, because of Hilde's new mission.

And that meant Heero was free to work at his own new mission, unlocking his emotions.

Just then, Heero's foot hit a small object jutting out from under the bed. Reaching down, he picked up his discovery, which turned out to be a crucifix on a chain. Gently pressing the gold cross into Duo's hand, Heero watched in fascination as the slumbering boy's fingers closed around it, and Hilde seemed to smile in her sleep at the exact same time.

Peace filled Heero's heart, and soon he was asleep as well.

---

Author's notes: There you have it, my first Gundam Wing fic. Thanks for reading! My next one will probably involve Quatre's recovery somehow, since he's my favorite character. Anyway, if you have any constructive feedback to help me improve my writing, I would really appreciate it. ^_^ Please send me C&C, suggestions, or questions concerning this story (or any of my other works).

By the way... As many of you may have noticed, much of the information on Duo's past came from the Episode Zero manga, but I had to embellish in a few places. In other words, if you disagree with some of my interpretation of Duo's past, that's totally fine. In no way am I claiming that this story is canon... this is just fan fiction, after all. Same goes for the details I gave about Hilde's past, which were just some things I made up since Hilde doesn't have an Episode Zero.

Special thanks go to AleeN and K'thardin for prereading this story!

Text copyright 2001, Literary Eagle  
(But the characters belong to other people.)


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